Monday, November 28, 2011

You babybats are so cute....

With your white face powder, hair dyed to hell, thick eye makeup, black lips...

I know, you all want to smack me a good one. I don't blame you. See, at 13, I was exactly the same way. See?

and 2 months before that I looked like this:

Kindergoff extraordinaire, I am. And yes, those are manic panic streaks thanks for asking.

But then my dad got married and his wife basically was like: "you look stupid.." and I found Youtube and Michellephan and last year I bought Gothic Charm School by Jillian Venters and Cherry Bomb (the book) and I realized "OH MY GOD I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!"

So I went from this:

To this:

(maybe that's not a perfect example but I don't dress uber gothy anymore, so you'll have to deal.)
Trust me, BabyBats, I know what I'm talking about. And let me just say COME ON YOUNGER ME! STOP SHAVING YOUR EYEBROWS!

So, here's some advice for you lil babybats all obsessed with being the perfect Ville Valo and Amy Lee clones.

1. No one is goth 24/7. No one. Some days even Robert Smith of The Cure prefers to sit around in his pj's and watch Tough Love with no makeup on.

2. do not go to bed with your makeup gone. Seriously. Don't.

3. black lipstick and heavy eyeshadow for school makes you look stupid. You WILL get made fun of, sorry. And black lipstick looks good on nobody. Brandon Lee is the only exception and see how well that turned out.

4. Corsets and fishnet tights/gloves in school are no-no's. Especially middle school. And if you're in high school, wearing them to a job interview is a huge no-no. You can wear gothy clothes to an interview, but they should be corporate and professional. No shirts with naked vampire girls.

5. Stop wearing Bloody Mary powder foundation and hot topic eyeliner. It's 99 cents, and trust me it looks like it. If you're poor, drugstore companies like covergirl offer very pale foundation and dark liners. If you save up, Sephora's Kat Von D collection has pale concealers and a few dark liners. If you are REALLY rich, English company Illamasqua has foundations for paler skin. DO NOT GO WHITE, that's for clowns, but they have pale foundations that look good. And wear some blusher please. Illamasqua has blush for the pale. Drugstores don't. Use pale pink eyeshadow. Anyway, Their company also has a charity for Sophie Lancaster, an English Goth beaten to death for being goth. Their darkest black eyeliner is even named Sophie. So not only are they makeup geniuses, knowing not every woman is naturally tan, but they are pro tolerance, of ALL lifestyles.

6. Please know where 'goth' music comes from. There's a never-ending debate on which bands are goth and which aren't, but we all seem to agree on what started us off. The Cure, Joy Division, Bauhaus, Sisters Of Mercy...those are starting points. You don't have to like them, I certainly don't, but at least know who they are.

7. You can't listen to only My Chemical Romance or Evanescence and call yourself an expert in goth music. You can't. You can call MCR your favorite band, but don't try to sell them as the gothy-est band ever because most of us will disagree violently.

8. Prepare to get taken seriously in all the wrong places. My parents accepted the goth thing a while ago, and set a few ground rules (No Corsets or bustiers, for my dad at his house it's no all black ensemble.) Your parents may not. Expect to hear 'it's just a phase' a few BILLION times. And yes, your classmates will tease you. If I had a dime for every time someone asked if I was reading Twilight or hissed at me or called me a vampire I could afford 2 bottles of Freak by Illamasqua, and 3 full coverage foundations in RF115. Also, no matter how joking you are, don't say 'I will eat your soul' to a classmate. Because they will somehow take THAT seriously, or they will make fun of you endlessly. This has happened to me. My sense of humor is very...dry and somewhat morbid, so when I dead pan 'your soul', when someone asks me what I'd like to eat, it gets taken VERY SERIOUSLY.

9. You do not have to wear all black. For me, it's not possible 24/7. Also, with my black hair, my skin looks even paler. You can find gothy shirts in red, purple, gray, orange....even White. Yes. White. And be prepared to answer some stupid questions. Such as "You're not goth, you're not wearing all black!" or "You're not goth, you don't have on black lipstick/eyeshadow/hair." don't be like me and snidely ask them how many goth people they know besides Marilyn Manson, then get REALLY sarcastic when they answer none. It's not their fault they're...(grits teeth)...misinformed. Blame the Media, who portray us, at best, mopey depressed freaks in a corner cutting ourselves, at worst, satan worshipping sluts who kill cute bunnies. So do not get rude, it doesn't help our image.

10. Find your own style! Yes, Amy Lee looks hot, Emilie Autumn is beautiful, Ville Valo is great, Gerard Way is...well, and Jyrki 69 is so gorgeous he makes me want to go straight, but do not dress exactly like perfect little clones of them. I categorize my style into 5 different sub categories. Horrorgoth, which is my Wednesday 13, Al. B. Damned, Rob Zombie side, Electric Gypsy, which is Motley Crue, Back in Blood/Lost Boys/Devils/Angels era 69 Eyes, LA Guns, motorcycle LA trash, Hollywood Vampire, which is mostly Back in Blood 69 eyes and Sixx A.M. Corsets and velvet blazers with jeans and knee high boots. Girly goth(Perky goth), which happens to shop at Kohls and does my makeup, and Victorian, traditional goth, which is Wasting the Dawn/Gothic Girl/Dance D'Amour 69 eyes, Emilie Autumn, corsets, velvet lace style. See, I work many different styles, and so should you. Don't be a clone.

So, that's it cuties! my advice for you adorable babybats.

1 comment:

  1. wow. Your awareness blows me away. You are the greatest. So glad to know you.