Saturday, September 4, 2010

B-day list!


Itunes Giftcards
Hot Topic Giftards
Sephora GiftCards
Best Buy Giftcards
Barnes&Noble/Amazon Giftcards from....


Friday, September 3, 2010


Sooooo...I joined intro to Dance this year, cause I'm cool like that.
I figured MAYBE there would be 4 of us. For 120$ each, I mean, the class could have stayed afloat.

HA! Try um, 30.
But there are 10 of us there for dance and not the credit!!!
So, if you read my mother's blog, or you have me on Facebook, you've seen the fruits of this class.
Yeah, that's all you're getting. I a never allowing filming of my dances AGAIN.

I look white. Very white. Nerdy white. And lord I try not too, but it's HARD.
These dances are not meant for those with no arses or anything resembling a size A chest.
I cannot shimmy. I can hip bump, but that's because I took belly dancing with my mom. I have the most flexible hips in my damn school.
But shimmying my shoulders, AKA boobs? It's not going to happen.

And again, I look rather white. Try dancing hip hop when you do not possess that coordination. It's not fun.
And we are dancing to Jason Derulo, of "Jaaaasoooon Derrrruuuuuuuulo!" fame. Yeah, you've heard it, don't play dumb with me.
And Sean Kingston. Yes, mr. Shawty. He says it an awful lot..
And Taio Cruz! Cause I wasn't flustered enough!!!

Homecoming? I'm not even attempting those moves. Hips, you are back in action! Get to bumping!

My Dark Place Alone

Sick, Am I sick?
And for these last five years I've been stuck up in here.
Inside this brain that drains into society, injected in your veins.
Give me hand grenades, give me razor blades,
give me anything to make the pain go away
Cause these pills don't work, Sometimes they make it worse...
--Murderdolls, My Dark Place Alone

I put my faith in a bottle of pills
Cause it's the only thing that makes me feel...
Like I connect with the human race...
-- Gunfire 76, Something for The Suffering

This month, in a word, sucked.
I'll start by saying that this is NO ONES fault, this is just a combo of my meds failing, and my inherited manic depression.

So, this just kind of starts from about 2 weeks ago? Got a boyfriend. Normal, sweet, had plans, polite...
But I just started high school, serious relationships are not my goal. This guy...oh my god when you start planning out when a kiss is going to happen, do not be surprised if I BAIL.
Then I have homecoming coming up...and I asked the guy I had a crush on, which got crazy confusing and I somehow got a guilt trip...a girl I kind of know...not the most gorgeous girl out there, kind of an outcast...was about to ask him...
And I felt so insanely bad...

On Thursday in health class...we were asked to write down goals. Ok I admit I could have faked this assignment with 'go to college!' 'be a psychologist!' but instead I wrote
dont hurt myself
dont kill myself

It's true, but that creeps out people...
And when you're batshite insane and you get to sit there and hear about the illnesses you get a bit flustered...
And I can't get 3 FEET OF SPACE, can't talk without a flucking INTERRUPTION, people do not just SHUT THE HELL UP...I'm in a class where maybe 4 of us are in there FOR. THE. CLASS. The rest are goof offs who figure EASY A!
Then they ask obvious questions...ASININE, if I may...
Then me and my mom had a fight...and she tells me I cause all the drama in the house...kind of a downer, I'll be honest.

I've been wanting to hurt myself for the past 24, 25 hours? All the guilt I feel over everything will not GO AWAY...and I can't even put into words the shite that is happening!
I'm at the point where I actually want to check out Children's AGAIN....just to know I can have help...and I HATED IT THERE.
Imagine having no contact with people...and all you need is a flucking hug...
That's how it was there.

So, I don't know. It's ok now but what about tomorrow?????

The lights are on, but no ones home...

So this month, the new Murderdolls cd and the Al. B. Damned debut cd came out.

I'm poor so I only have snippets...but I love it.
Wednesday...(the lead singer of Murderdolls) he just...I can identify with him. So much.
Our pills dont work anymore for either of us.

So get ready for like 5 posts in one night, ok guys?